It was all a thrill I got locked in but I had to go...

22. dubna 2016 v 20:15 | daisy |  just listen
Everything feels fucking crazy. And I feel fucking scared. And yeah, I'm aware that I use the word fuck too much. But somehow, I don't find it too offensive like I would if I wrote in Czech. Like really, I'm basically a goody two shoes.
I haven't written something for a really long time. No surprise. During the years of my "blogging career" I found out that I'm not able to write constantly. Maybe because I'm afraid. It's the internet, you know. It's permanent. When I write too much, I am always afraid that someone close to me will find the blog and they will find out it's me. Silly, I know. But thats me. Sometimes I am way too paranoid.
I don't even know why I write in English. Maybe because the school leaving exam's coming. Maybe because I feel like it. Dunno. I don't even know why I write here. Or maybe I do. I am full of contradictions.
And I am afraid. I am afraid that I won't graduate. That I will disappoint. You know, I'm the type of person who gets straight As. But still... I'm fucking afraid. Sometimes I feel like nobody gets it. Also, next week I'm writing university entrance exam. It scares the shit out of me. So wish me luck.
I feel like right now I don't live at all. I'm tired all the time. And sometimes I feel like giving up. But I am a survivor, right? In addition, someone's been on my mind lately. But it's just a silly crush. It always is. It always fades away. I'm afraid of/to love. My heart's already broken. So why pushing it?
I'm sitting in my room with my window open, breathing fresh air and listening to music. The view's wonderful. It's getting dark and the sky's black and blue and yellow and I just love it. It's extraordinarily calming. Exactly what I need.

Still Daisy.
 

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